Birthday Special

Birthday Special
(This piece is to remind us of the values which are central to all homes and hearts: the love of children. For the busiest of us...the most remote of us...for the most distraught of us.…the most demented and disillusioned of us… this is a write up to recall the essence of life and remind us of the treasure of the little angels called children in our midst)."

PROLOGUE

Every October, the 14th I usually sit glued to my telephone. Why? Well, that’s the day I love taking calls. Each ring will remind me that I am a year older; a little more matured and arguably more experienced for better or for worse.
“Happy birthday Mama”, that was my niece C….. (A dentist) from M……always an early caller.
“Thank you” I acknowledged.
“You are a big boy now, Mama- a senior citizen. Guess what? the more birthdays you have the longer you live!”
“Yeah? How come?”
“Obvious na? Think about it. How could you have more birthdays? By living longer na? O Mama, you really are getting old.”
“Ok. Ok. That’s a good one. You dentists are clever!” I retorted.
“How do you mean?” she questioned.
“You drill, then fill and finally bill heavily!!!” I laughed
“You are cool, Mama. Bye and take care.” she dropped the phone.
But my mind raced back to that birthday at Wellington Staff College, Ootty which for me will remain the best ever. Not my birthday though.

Cut to Year 1976

I was one amongst hundred odd young student officers (Sqn. Ldrs., Lt. Cdrs., Majors drawn from our Air Force, Navy and Army and those from other countries).
“At any instant, if a survey were made, one may find that Wellington perhaps will have (per square foot area) the maximum number of wives in their family ways” we would joke.
The reason is not far to seek. First, the salubrious weather; second, the 100 odd student-officers will be in the productive (pun unintended) age group; third, the staff course is a total relaxation and a far cry from the tension filled lives in the field; fourth, we could live with our families –a rarity in the forces. (Majority would have been just married knowing fully well they would have an extended honey moon at Ootty, a five star comfort with no hassles); fifth, Wellington being a hill station, the livable flat area available is very minimal. For the same reasons and many other factors, the place would also be teeming with a floating population of tiny tots, few months old to 5 or 6 years old. Not to make an exception my wife too was carrying our son - a Wellington product. But then these are women who unite with kindred spirits to raise families, maintain homes and uphold the most positive attitudes when facing the fears of losing a loved one. All military personnel swear an oath to uphold the constitution and protect our country, while their spouses take the unwritten oath to live a life of lengthy separations, endless anxieties and frequent moving despite their husbands having lost all sense of home, having moved about so much. Their commitment requires a unique blend of patriotism, dedication, hard work and most of all, flexibility. But what has that to do with birthdays? Well…….Hold your fire!
My daughter was just four attending the local Defence campus Nursery school. “Very popular and hyper active” as Sister Daphne the principal described her. But my wife in her weaker moments and in that physical state, used to tell her friends about my daughter L…., “ I have more pains after she came out than when I was carrying her”. I never agreed with her though. Parenthood radically changes a person. Raising a child may be exhausting, exasperating, expensive, but an experience most gratifying in life. The bond between parent and child is one of the strongest connections in nature. Romances come and go, but once you've bonded with your baby you're probably hooked for life, and not because you enjoy the prospect of changing hundreds of diapers. Although not new I too like any other father wasn't immune to the bewitching power of babies.
Clearly, children no matter whose they are have the ability to reach deep into our brains as well as our hearts. Well that may quite be the theme of the song that I shall be singing here.
Almost every other day at the drop of a hat and the least of excuses, our families were partying--- wedding anniversaries, birthdays of kids, posting out /in of staff, festivals; even failure in mid term exams was good enough excuse to unwind!
Taking a cue from adults and for reasons best known to her, my daughter, L….. one day took upon herself to announce in her class, “Today is my birthday. All of you are invited with your parents this evening and do come with gifts!” As usual L…. had pulled the carpet under our feet. That evening when I came back from my own classes at 5 PM I found my wife in doldrums. L’s friends all dolled up had started trickling down wishing “Happy B’day to L….”
We were not at all prepared to host a party on such large scale in such a short time. And importantly, it was not her birthday either. The time was at a premium. But then we, faujis are trained to thrive on such pressure exercises.
Months before the commencement of our course, we are required to send a detailed bio data about ourselves to the college to facilitate them to make the best possible living arrangements. On the first day of our arrival and after the Commandant’s welcome address each of us is handed over a printed brochure containing complete, comprehensive bio-data of each student officer and the members of his family. Thus amongst many other things we also knew whose birthday was when? So it was but natural that my colleagues having been caught unawares wanted to check back with me “Is that real? Is it your daughter’s birthday? When should we arrive? Hey, do not worry V V R….Don’t disappoint your kid……We will make it a pot-luck. So don’t bother about catering” So on and so forth. So pot luck it was; a variety of spread. A rare international cuisine, though the guest list got a little tricky because her invitation was to every child in the class. When parents asked if I needed help, I simply said ‘yes, of course’ with no hesitation.
“But everything is under control, sir. All taken care”, that was our cook-cum-maid Rajamma, a coorgie (recommended by the college) ever so soft spoken but always in charge, a veteran of many such parties coming out in an audible whisper in Tamil from the kitchen! Now that certainly put my mind at ease.
Rajamma continued her ramblings inside the kitchen addressing no one in particular, “Organized games are a must at this age of 4; otherwise the children will run wild through your yard, your house and anywhere else they can find. Even though 4 year olds love to play games, they don’t like to lose. Choose non-competitive games or change the rules of old games so no one is “out.” When you’re packing the goody bags, go to extra trouble to make sure every bag is exactly the same. Otherwise, you’ll be hearing a lot of, “Latha got a red ball. I want a red ball,” and you’ll be dashing around trying to placate everyone. To alleviate this problem, try not to hand out the goody bags until they’re on their way out of the door.”
I remember my wife adding, “Oh yeah! And if you still have a lot of tension and get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two and keep away from the children."
“Yeah But what do I do? I prefer to go to office which by definition is ‘A place where I can relax after my strenuous home life” That was me.
But then Rajamma promptly distributed our duties roping in even my mother for a special task.
The party was a roaring (pun unintended) success thanks to Rajamma’s culinary talents.
“The bag of assorted candies is ready, sir” Rajamma confirmed.
And I looked sadly to the departure of the pint-sized angels! My mother’s arthritis had flared up, and by evening, she could barely move. So she could not as planned by Rajamma possibly bless each child on the door by distributing the goodies. So Rajamma decided to fasten the candy bag to the door and watch the parade of young ones from the dimly lit kitchen. Rajamma’s daughter Rosie was also a must-guest for my daughter. The first to depart was a Red riding hood with her ugly aunt. Next went the dwarfs followed by the three little ghosts. Each picked out a sweet in turn. When the last tiny hand emerged full-fisted, I heard the elder Cinderella scold: "You're not supposed to take more than one!" I was pleased that a big sister was playing conscience for her little sister. Astronauts and aliens from Mars followed. More children had shown up than I had expected. The candy was running low, and I was getting fidgety. Sure enough I noticed two more kids about to depart. The elder reached into the bag and pulled out a Cadbury bar. I held my breath, hoping there would be one left for the tiny one. But Rajamma knew there were none. The tiny girl was still struggling to put her hand in the bag quite unsuccessfully. Then Rajamma did something incredible. She rushed to her daughter Rosie and whispered something into her ears. Rosie a small girl of 6 herself lingered but only for one extra moment and ran to the bag dipped her hand and pulled out yet an Amul, and handed over to the tiny one with a smile- all in one action. But I knew as well as Rajamma that Rosie as instructed had dropped her own Amul candy in the bag, pretended to pull out one, paused facing the doors and handed it over to the last visitor….. all under Rajamma’s instructions!!! When the tiny one said, "Thank you, I like Amul." then I watched the little one scamper away to join her friends. Tears ran down my eyes. One dear little 6 year old witch (that is how Rajamma dressed Rosie) had cast her spell on me. I acknowledged with a smile Rajamma’s presence of mind and couldn't help but think that I had just glimpsed a nugget of human being whose offspring Rosie surely is peace.

EPILOGUE

When last I heard of Rosie, I understand she is happily married rearing a kid.

And the interaction with parents later brought out so many fascinating stories. Hear this:
“The majority of American children celebrate birthdays with a cake topped with lighted candles. Most families use the candles to represent how old a person is turning, (i.e., one candle for a one-year-old, etc.). When the cake is set before the guest of honour, he or she is supposed to make a wish (without telling anyone what it is) and blow out the candles. If all the candles go out with one breath, it's believed that the wish will come true!” That was given out by a Major from USA.
“Some children receive birthday "spankings", which were originally based on superstition, but are now more a birthday prank or joke. Hundreds of years ago, spankings were given for each year of the birthday child's life. Beyond that number, a child received another spanking to grow on, one to live on, one to eat on, one to be happy on, and yet another spanking to get married on. At one time, it was considered bad luck if the birthday celebrant was not spanked because it was believed to "soften up the body for the tomb." Historians are unsure if the practice of swatting the birthday girl or boy was treated as a joke, as people view it today.” That from an Afghan soldier friend of mine.
“Singing "Happy Birthday to You" has also been a long-standing tradition on birthdays as well. It was written by two American sisters in 1893, and has been translated into several languages around the world.” Again the US soldier.
“Children in Argentina receive pulls on the earlobe for their birthday. Traditionally, they get one pull for each year of their life.” I am not sure who said that.
“At an Israeli child's birthday party, he or she sits in a special chair decorated with fresh flowers and greens. To celebrate the child's age, family and friends gather around the chair, lifting and raising it once for each year of life - plus one more for good luck!” I learnt it (later in my service) from an Israeli during a tenure.
“When Japanese children turn 7, 5, or 3, it is thought to be especially lucky. They are allowed to participate in the upcoming Shichi-go-san (meaning "Seven-Five-Three") Festival, celebrated annually on November 15. During this festival, children and their families visit a shrine or other place of worship, give thanks for good health, and ask to be blessed with continued well-being in the future. Afterwards, a family will often throw a party and bestow gifts upon the child. For this occasion, girls and boys always dress in their finest clothes, which may be traditional kimonos or western-style clothing.” This from a Japanese soldier. I remember this officer as a very good tactician during our sand model exercises.
“Another old tradition still practised by some English people is to make a birthday cake with symbolic objects baked inside. In medieval times, objects such as coins and thimbles were mixed into the batter. People believed that the person who got the coin would be wealthy, while the unlucky finder of the thimble would never marry. Today, small figures, fake coins and small candies are more common. Guests are warned ahead of time as well, so no one injures their teeth or swallows a tiny treasure” That from Sqn. Ldr. Williams RAF.( not his real name).
“Each year, Asante people in Ghana celebrate "krada" (meaning "Soul Day") on the day of the week that they were born. This observance involves a cleansing ritual intended to purify the inner soul. On a person's “krada”, he or she wakes up early and washes using a special leaf soaked overnight in water. An afternoon feast with family and friends is held in the person’s honour, and the celebrant usually dresses in clothing with a white background” This officer from Ghana was our neighbour. His daughter was a close friend of my daughter.

Just when you think you’ve finally figured out the trick to birthday parties, your child jumps to the next stage of maturity and you have to start from scratch all over again. At her fourth party, the children enjoyed the organized games but then refused to play them at her fifth (too boring). After awhile you feel like throwing in the towel, but you can’t because the party must go on. But take heart. The good news is children are fairly consistent along age lines. At each stage of maturity certain types of birthday parties work better than others.

If we focus on the main issues of home and hearth and heart. If we humans could recognize the preciousness of the children in our midst, we would be one step closer to heaven." ARE YOU?

VVR
13TH Nov 05